For comparison to Dan Piraro's final art, here's my rough sketch:
Dan changed the perspective a bit, and got rid of some unnecessary detail, but the subtle change from an exclamation point to a period at the end of the text made the biggest improvement to the joke. I've mentioned before that Dan's masterful use of deadpan expressions and dialog almost always makes the comics funnier.
As always, you can find our previous collaborations archived on this blog. The next one is on schedule for September 12.