Saturday, May 30, 2026

Parlez-vous Musique ?

This is the weekly dispatch from Bizarro Studios North, where I have been writing and drawing the Monday through Saturday Bizarro comics since 2018. My partner and friend, Dan Piraro, created Bizarro in the late twentieth century and continues to do the Sunday comic from Rancho Bizarro in Mexico.

Wayno 

There is nothing so fretting and vexatious, nothing so justly TERRIBLE to tyrants, and their tools and abettors, as a FREE PRESS.
Samuel Adams (Boston Gazette, 1768)

Samuel Adams knew what he was talking about. The poor chap would be appalled by today's consolidation of print media, broadcast, and electronic news and opinion outlets by insanely rich abettors of tyranny who are scheming to silence free speech in favor of regime-approved propaganda.

A recent reminder of this warning was Stephen Colbert's Late Show coming to an end under shady circumstances that I needn't detail here. Colbert is a sharp and influential political commentator and, by all accounts, a genuinely decent human being. In short, exactly the kind of person thin-skinned tyrants hate and fear more than anything.

As the American Experiment approaches the 250-year mark, I ask those with the means to support independent, public, and community TV and radio stations, print/online publications, and other news sources not controlled by oligarchs, tyrants, or their bootlicking enablers.

Here endeth the PSA. We return to our regular cartoon programming.


When I first saw today's pipe pic, I thought it might be American actor Art Carney, but it's actually Georges Brassens (1921-1981), a French poet and singer-songwriter.


International Bizarro fiend correspondent Vince C. of Vancouver, British Columbia, discovered the photo on the "Le temps d'une chanson" Facebook page, described as "a radio program dedicated to French-language songs from the 1930s to the 1970s, hosted by Catherine Pépin."

Brassens recorded from the early 1950s through the late 70s. He was apparently a lifelong smoker, having frequently been photographed with a pipe emerging from his bushy mustache. I've been enjoying listening to his early recordings, despite the language barrier.

Thanks to Vince for the photo and for turning me on to Georges Brassens. Anyone who likes cartoons and music is my kind of reader.

Cartoons are another (albeit humbler) form of free speech, and here are my latest blatherings.

They're plugged in but disconnected.

Tuesday's panel imagines a new approach to counseling, which could be termed "couples regression therapy."

It's as easy as tapping your credit card on the Collection Plate app.

"Why in the world would you feel insecure, FretBot?"

Oh, yeah, right. 

(Screen grab courtesy of our pal Eric S.)

Have I exhausted the topic with the fourth installment? Who knows?

Ol' Punchy was bursting with pride to receive his city's medal of humor.

You Gotta Look Sharp

Summer's almost here, and what better way to show your good taste than by sporting a BizarroWear tee? Here's Jazz Pickle David R. sporting his Irön Bunnies öf Dööm shirt while visiting Ho Chi Minh City with his partner, Laura F.

You can become an icon of befuddling fashion by grabbing one (or more?) of the large selection of T-shirts and other doo-dads available in the King Features Bizarro Shop. We'd love to share more photos of readers modeling the tees.

That's it for the last post of May. We'll be back with a fresh post the first week of next month, as soon as Google lets me know if next month is Dectober or Junuary.

Bonus Track

Ben Vaughn Quintet: "Pièce de Résistance"
from Pièce de Résistance
Many Moods Records (2016)


Ben talks about this song and performs a solo acoustic version on a recent episode of his excellent new podcast, Straight From The Hat.

Oh man, that began as a list. I started keeping a list of French phrases that we use in America a lot, and then at one point decided to set up the music, and it came out sounding a little something like this.

I recommend checking out the podcast, mes amis!


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Saturday, May 23, 2026

Philosophical Musings of Laurence Tureaud

This is the weekly dispatch from Bizarro Studios North, where I have been writing and drawing the Monday through Saturday Bizarro comics since 2018. My partner and friend, Dan Piraro, created Bizarro in the late twentieth century and continues to do the Sunday comic from Rancho Bizarro in Mexico.

Wayno 

You pity the fool because you don't want to beat up a fool! You know, pity is between sorry and mercy. See, if you pity him, you know, you won't have to beat him up. So that's why I say fools, you gotta give another chance because they don't know no better. That's why I pity them!
Mr. T

Happy Saturday from Hollywood Gardens, PA.

Today, instead of riffing on the introductory quote (what more could one add anyway?), we're jumping in with this week's pipe pic. Our puffing poster boy is the late Donald Sutherland portraying Paul Gauguin in the 1986 film, The Wolf at the Door.


The photo comes to us (indirectly) from faithful Bizarro correspondent Frank V. of Albany, NY.

Frank sent me an intriguing photo that purportedly depicts a meeting of Gauguin and van Gogh in 1887. It's a group shot of six men seated around a table, with multiple bottles of wine. A few of the men appear to be smoking pipes. Unfortunately, it's extremely blurry. I spent some time searching the web for a clearer version, but had no luck.

However, the rabbit hole I went down contained the photo of Sutherland, which is worth sharing, so a tip of the Bizarro beret goes to Frank for sending me on a quest with an unexpected outcome.

Writing gags (or any creative endeavor) can be a lot like searching for a particular photo, getting sidetracked, and stumbling upon something else entirely to work with. The human mind has as many surprises waiting to be discovered as the internet. Let's take a look at what emerged from the hidden recesses of your cartoonist's brain this week.

"Nice belt you have there, Orion. It'd be a shame if something accidental happened to it."

I recently overheard a conversation at a coffee shop in which someone mentioned studying for an Organic Chemistry final, but I processed the phrase as "Organic Dentistry." Maybe I underheard the conversation.

I scribbled the phrase in my sketchbook and later remembered seeing a video of a "fish pedicure," where people submerge their feet in a pool and let tiny fish nibble away their dead skin cells. After a few moments of retching, I drafted this cartoon.

Karaoke is inherently funny in the abstract, but as a real-life experience, it ranges from amusing to excruciating.

If reading this panel feels disorienting, imagine drawing it.

Coincidentally, in the latest edition of his Substack newsletter The Ink-Stained Wretch, my colleague Tom Richmond mentioned Mr. T and drew him.

Tom also wrote that in 1993, he did some art for NOW Comics and attended San Diego Comic-Con as part of their crew. At the time, NOW was publishing a Mr. T comic book, and the actor was at the booth with Tom.

L-R: old pal Roy Tompkins, Mr. T, Wayno

Oddly enough, I also attended SDCC that year, and made sure to have a photo taken with Mr. T, so it's likely that Tom and I were within a few feet of each other years before we ever met.

Be sure to check out Tom Richmond's newsletter. He's a great caricaturist, and he has tons of stories about working for MAD and other experiences from his long career.

It turns out this wasn't the week to make a joke about IRS audits, as the no-longer-aptly-named Department of Justice just gave an entire family of shameless tax cheats immunity from audits of any and all of their filings prior to this year. The joke's on all of us.

Please drop by again next Saturday for a new batch of cartoons and commentary, a fresh pipe pic, and who knows what else.

Bonus Track

Fingerprintz: "2AT"
from The Very Dab
Virgin Records (1979)


Fingerprintz were a Scottish new wave/power pop band that released three LPs between 1979 and 1981. Around 1986, two members went on to form the Silencers, a more successful and longer-lived group. There was also a Pittsburgh band called the Silencers, who had broken up long before the formation of the Scottish Silencers.

I saw Fingerprintz perform twice. The first time was in 1979 when they were the backing band for Rachel Sweet, an Ohio teenager who had signed to Stiff Records, and was on tour opening for the Cars. We met the members of Fingerprintz and hung out for a couple of hours after the show.


I saw them again in January 1980 when they were on a US tour opening for XTC; a great double bill. I chatted with them after the show, and they told me that the title "2AT" was a tribute to Booker T. Jones of Booker T and the MGs, and was unrelated to Mr. T.

Drummer Bogdan Wiczling and guitarist Cha Burnz played Pittsburgh once more, in 1983, when they were employed as members of Adam & the Ants. It was a treat to reconnect with them, but I think they were a little embarrassed by their stage clothing and makeup. A gig's a gig.


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Saturday, May 16, 2026

The Dummy Trilogy

This is the weekly dispatch from Bizarro Studios North, where I have been writing and drawing the Monday through Saturday Bizarro comics since 2018. My partner and friend, Dan Piraro, created Bizarro in the late twentieth century and continues to do the Sunday comic from Rancho Bizarro in Mexico.

Wayno 

You gotta have a hood for your engine. Keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house, the hot air can’t escape. Even a lima bean has to have a piece of wet paper around it to make it grow.

Don van Vliet a/k/a Captain Beefheart

from his "Ten Commandments of Guitar Playing."


As someone who regularly wears a hat, the good Captain's advice caught my eye. When performing as part of a musical combo, I invariably wore a hat, and we all tried to look sharp onstage. 

The lid didn't make me a better instrumentalist (I've always been an advanced beginner at best) or singer, but dressing for gigs helped us focus. It put us into a more professional frame of mind and showed respect for our listeners.

Appearances can't make up for a lackluster performance, but optics can get the audience on the band's side before a note is played.

Beefheart was in good company. Thelonious Monk's advice for musicians included the note:

What should we wear tonight? Sharp as possible!


This intro doesn't have much to do with the blog's blog's cartoon content, but is offered as an amuse-bouche before the main course.

Our pipe pic of the week is an ancient magazine ad for the Freeman pipe.


The tagline, "A Clean Smoke for Clean People," is intriguing. Was it a coded message? And, really, how clean can you be when you're smoking a pipe?

I didn't wear a hat while drawing this week's Bizarro panels, but did put one on whenever I left the house.

For another two bucks a month, you can go ad-free.

Years ago, an acquaintance I ran into at a coffee shop looked across the table and said to me, "You have small wrists for a man." I don't remember how (or if) I replied, but that interaction bubbled up in my mind as I sketched a customer at a palm reader.

As my cartoon partner, Dan Piraro, recently said about another gag, "The brain is a labyrinth with a mind of its own."

In case you ever wondered what a near-death experience is like for a ventriloquist dummy, this is my best guess.

...apparently, that experience was very near.

When writing this week's batch back in February, the "Out of Dummy Experience" came to me first, followed by this one involving a ghost dummy and a ventriloquist medium. I decided there should be a funeral gag to link them, resulting in a midweek sort-of narrative.

The ghost is my favorite of the three, and like the first one, it has layers of weirdness.

The Greek gods all went by multiple titles, or epithets. Zeus had many dozens, including Zeus Ceraunius (of the Thunderbolt), Zeus Labrandeus (the Furious), and Zeus Palamnaeus (Punisher of Murderers), so it's not too much of a stretch to imagine Zeus Corrector Orthographiae.

Come by again next Saturday for more cartoons and commentary, and don't forget to put a hood on your engine.

Bonus Track

Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band:
"I Love You, You Big Dummy"
from Lick My Decals Off, Baby
Straight Records (1970)


When Lick My Decals Off was recorded, the Magic Band included Art Tripp on drums and percussion, after a stint with the Mothers of Invention. Tripp also went by the names Ted Cactus, Ed Marimba, and "Artie with the Green Mustache." 

He was born in Akron, Ohio, grew up in Pittsburgh, and attended high school within walking distance of Bizarro Studios North. Our local recreation center still bears a plaque thanking Tripp's father for his financial support.

After retiring from music in the late 1970s, Tripp became a chiropractor. In a 2022 interview, he said, "With the possible exception of the movie business, the business of pop music is the most rotten there is."


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Saturday, May 09, 2026

Can You Dig It, Baby?

This is the weekly dispatch from Bizarro Studios North, where I have been writing and drawing the Monday through Saturday Bizarro comics since 2018. My partner and friend, Dan Piraro, created Bizarro in the late twentieth century and continues to do the Sunday comic from Rancho Bizarro in Mexico.

Wayno 

Sometimes you lie in bed at night, and you don't have a single thing to worry about...That always worries me!

Charles Schulz


In addition to being Cinco de Mayo, Tuesday was National Cartoonists Day (shouldn't that have an apostrophe somewhere?). Most of us in the profession probably celebrated by working on new material, and maybe having an extra cup of coffee.

It's nice to know that Schulz, possibly the most successful cartoonist of all time, lost sleep over nagging worries just like the rest of us.

We should also remember the words of Popeye the Sailor Man:
A comic artist ain't no different than you or me excep' he knows how to draw pitchers an is crazy in the head.
What can one add other than, "I yam what I yam"?

Today's pipe pic is the cover of a 1954 Bing Crosby coloring book.

Crosby was a hugely famous performer in the early to mid-twentieth century, but were kids really clamoring for a coloring book? Who knows?

One interior page, showing Bing's four sons behind him, dressed in choir robes, bears the caption "Softly, boys." I can't find a high-resolution image to share here, but that may be for the best.

Let's see what Bizarro had to offer for the week of Cartoonists Day.

The customer replied, "Oh, do you mean the tattoo?"

The cow is impressive; "Grazing in the Grass" is a bold choice, and would be challenging to sing even with a karaoke machine teleprompter.

Sometimes lying awake isn't so bad after all.

Every irrational fear has a name.

Naturally, sermon-writing AI platforms already exist.

Instead of apologizing for this caption, I'll refer you to the aforementioned Popeye quote.

That's the latest from Bizarro Studios North. I wish you a groovy weekend.

Bonus Track

Ronald Jansen Heijtmajer "Saxophobia"
from Fingerbustin'
Eigen Wijs Recordings (1995)



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