Saturday, June 27, 2026

Please Tip Your Blockhead

This is the weekly dispatch from Bizarro Studios North, where I have been writing and drawing the Monday through Saturday Bizarro comics since 2018. My partner and friend, Dan Piraro, created Bizarro in the late twentieth century and continues to do the Sunday comic from Rancho Bizarro in Mexico.

Wayno 

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.
Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

In the introduction to his 1962 novel, Mother Night, Vonnegut speaks directly to the reader. The full quote follows.
This is the only story of mine whose moral I know. I don’t think it’s a marvelous moral; I simply happen to know what it is: We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.
The novel takes the form of a memoir written by Howard W. Campbell, Jr., who broadcast virulent Nazi propaganda on German radio during World War II, but was actually an American spy. His scripted conversational asides provided intelligence to the US. 

Campbell eventually realizes that while helping the Allies, his convincing performance as a propagandist was a likely factor in convincing the Nazi recruitment effort in Germany.

I read most of Vonnegut's novels in my teens and twenties, and have recently been revisiting them. I recalled little of Mother Night, although I clearly remember owning a paperback copy. It was probably well over my head at the time.

The self-delusion of the Campbell character reminds one of a presidential Cabinet that, along with their senators and congresspeople, pretends that lawlessness and racism are okay if it helps them keep their jobs.

The daily news is full of examples, and one that particularly struck me was about the Treasury Secretary displaying a proposed $250 bill bearing the current president's mug shot. The Secretary knows that Federal law bars a living person from appearing on US currency, but through clenched teeth and a shit-eating grin, he said, "I don't think that there's anything untoward about having the person who is President of the United States on the 250th anniversary bill."

At least Vonnegut's character was able to tell himself he was violating principles to serve a greater good. These charlatans only care about wielding power and enriching themselves by indulging the whims of a demented, irrational, money-grubbing hatemonger.

I don't regret rereading Mother Night, but after this, I'll need a bit of escapist literature.

Today's pipe pic is a column heading from TV Guide featuring a portrait of Cleveland Amory, who was a television critic for the magazine from 1963 to 1976.

Al Hirschfeld provided wonderful illustrations to accompany many of Amory's columns.
Click to embiggen

Amory was also an animal rights advocate, and in 1966, he founded the nonprofit Fund for Animals.

If Cleveland Amory were still with us, I'd assure him that no animals were harmed in the creation of this week's Bizarro cartoons.

We started off with a twist on the venerable desert island cartoon trope.

Automotive designers need to consider customer preferences, an idea I've explored in the past.

My friend Candi suggests that our cartoon protagonist should consider buying a Honda Element.

Romantic rejection can be a blessing, particularly if you're a mantis.

One might be tempted to call the character on the left a reverse centaur, but that wouldn't be accurate.

This is a reverse centaur, Greek mythology's most off-putting creature.

I apologize to Charles Schulz for imagining his character's eventual career choice. My favorite part of the drawing is the sign on the valet stand.

A hunter's camouflage can be stealthy or simply silly.

Thanks for visiting. Drop by next week for more cartoons and commentary. If you enjoy peeking behind the panel, check out my free Substack newsletter.

New Products For Summer


Good news for the fashion-conscious. The Comics Kingdom Bizarro Shop just added our new Summer Selection. We have coffee mugs, water bottles, insulated tumblers, and a bunch of new T-shirts, like Dan Piraro's exquisite Escher Cube design, shown above.

This double-clown coffee mug displays two wordless gags, so when you switch hands, you'll see a different clown.

There's much more merch in the shop. If you grab anything, we'd love to see photos of readers with their Bizarro booty.

Thank you for indulging a little hucksterism.

Bonus Track

The Quintet: "Salt Peanuts"
from Live at Massey Hall
Debut Records, 1953






 

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Saturday, June 20, 2026

My Art Belongs to Dada

This is the weekly dispatch from Bizarro Studios North, where I have been writing and drawing the Monday through Saturday Bizarro comics since 2018. My partner and friend, Dan Piraro, created Bizarro in the late twentieth century and continues to do the Sunday comic from Rancho Bizarro in Mexico.

Wayno 

Never let anybody put a tool in your hand, kid.
"Uncle Jimmy"

For a couple of summers in my youth, I worked for a neighbor's "decorating" business. Most of what we did was house painting, along with a bit of light demolition, and occasionally we were hired to empty out a house that a deceased owner had left full of stuff their family didn't want.

During one of our "tear-out" jobs, I was holding a kitchen cabinet in place while a coworker loosened the bolts attaching it to the wall. That was when "Uncle Jimmy," the older guy on the crew, offered advice about tools as he rolled a cigarette. I never knew his last name or whether his first name was really Jimmy. I got the impression that he had a shady background, but he was enjoyable to work with.

I thought of Jimmy on Monday, when my spouse and I spent the day doing outdoor work, ignoring his wisdom. We were replacing a border along the edges of our sidewalk. We built it years ago using the parts from a kit meant to make a foot-high raised garden bed. I spent most of the day on my knees, moving dirt and pounding spikes into the ground, and the rest of the time loading debris into a small dumpster.

I returned to the studio Tuesday morning with renewed gratitude for being able to make comics for a living using artists' tools, rather than hammers, shovels, and saws. 

The job with the neighbor's business wasn't all punishing labor. The boss treated us to breakfast every morning at a greasy-spoon diner owned by his aunt and uncle, and two guys in their late 20s on the crew shared their "herbal supplements" with their teenage coworker.

At one of the house cleanouts, I found a cool 1930s book about dirigibles, and a One-a-Day vitamin bottle that had been filled with mercury. I had that for a long time, and would spill it out on a sheet of paper to watch it roll around. I'm lucky to have avoided neurological or kidney damage.

When I told my cartoon partner, Dan Piraro, about my salvaged treasures, he said, "I remember playing with mercury from a broken thermometer when I was a kid. I was fascinated with rolling it all around and trying to pick it up. Jeez!" Surviving the use of a toxic element as a toy is yet another thing Dan and I have in common.

My day of landscaping and the memories of many horrible summer jobs reminded me to thank all of you Bizarro readers for enabling me to have a career that may sometimes give me eyestrain but never leaves me with aching muscles or mercury poisoning.

Today's pipe pic is a 1958 shot of Dadaist Marcel Duchamp, taken in New York.

Photograph by Richard Avedon
© The Richard Avedon Foundation

A tip of the hat to Monsieur Duchamp for so much artistic inspiration.

No harmful chemicals were used in the creation of the latest Bizarro cartoons.

You can trust the symbol on the sack.

I've done quite a few gags about awards ceremonies, which are easy to make fun of until you're nominated for something.
I had fun drawing and coloring the Apex Predator award, although it was probably too small to read in newspapers.

Interestingly, some celebrities whose names are listed as authors never actually wrote a book.

"You've got the part as soon as you're cleared by Spell Check."

Friday's offering was another of my inanimate-objects-as-characters gags.

I chose 2,645 for the number of bricks because this panel was the 2,645th one I've drawn since I started the daily comics in 2018, and I did some math to arrive at what I hope is a believable weight.

I'll share another half-dozen Laff-O-Grams next Saturday, and I do hope you'll drop by to check them out.

For more insight into a cartoonist's brain, you might enjoy my free Substack newsletter.

Bonus Track

Graham Parker: "Mercury Poisoning"
Arista Records Single, 1979



 

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Saturday, June 13, 2026

Lowe Frequencies

This is the weekly dispatch from Bizarro Studios North, where I have been writing and drawing the Monday through Saturday Bizarro comics since 2018. My partner and friend, Dan Piraro, created Bizarro in the late twentieth century and continues to do the Sunday comic from Rancho Bizarro in Mexico.

Wayno 


Howdy, Bizarro Buckaroos. I'm back at Cartoon Corral after a week away from the drawing board and computer, so we're keeping things brief today. I'm fixin' to catch up on office biz and make more comics.

This week's pipe-smoking personality is the late King Hussein of Jordan, in a video screen grab from Albuquerque field correspondent Gerry J.

Gerry wrote: 
The King of Jordan was an avid ham radio operator like me. Unlike me, he was also an avid pipe smoker! Here is a screenshot from a documentary that shows him chatting on the radio with a ham in the UK.
Oddly, just before I received Gerry's email, we watched a documentary series called Wasp Woman: Murder of a B-Movie Queen, about actress Susan Cabot. It was fascinating and sad. Cabot had an ongoing romantic relationship with King Hussein (who had nothing to do with her death!).

Thanks to Gerry for the cool photo.

If you'd like to watch the short film about King Hussein the Ham, it's on YouTube (of course).

Here are the comics published while I was slacking off. The cartoon show must go on!

As my mind wandered a few months back, I speculated about what might happen if a mirror were placed face down on a scanner, and imagined this scenario. Hey, it might even prevent crashes.

I wish I had drawn the mime with a teardrop painted on his cheek.

It's "command-Z" if you're partaking of the Forbidden Operating System.

For this caption, I offer my sincere apologies.

Your cartoonist loves gags involving music and using inanimate objects as characters, so this one made me a happy ink monkey.

The food-gathering strategy of this species is the least efficient in the insect world.

Thanks for checking in. We'll have more of this stuff to share next Saturday.

If you crave more in-depth geekery and behind-the-scenes trivia, please consider subscribing to my free Substack newsletter.

Bonus Track

Nick Lowe: "Shake That Rat"
from Bowi
Stiff Records 7-inch EP (1977)


"Shake That Rat" is a surf-style instrumental with the bass guitar taking the lead. It was originally released on Bowi, Nick's smart-alec answer to David Bowie's Low album.

Nearly fifty years later, Lowe is still recording and performing, and his songwriting is better than ever. These days, he performs solo, or backed by Los Straitjackets, and he's worth seeing in any context.


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Saturday, June 06, 2026

Where To Begin?

This is the weekly dispatch from Bizarro Studios North, where I have been writing and drawing the Monday through Saturday Bizarro comics since 2018. My partner and friend, Dan Piraro, created Bizarro in the late twentieth century and continues to do the Sunday comic from Rancho Bizarro in Mexico.

Wayno 

The creative process doesn't begin with humor.
It begins with subject matter.
Dave Coverly

Dave Coverly is the brilliant cartoonist behind Speed Bump, a single-panel daily comic he launched in 1994. He's also an admired colleague and friend.

I was delighted to find this quote in the excellent book Funny Stuff: How Great Cartoonists Make Great Cartoons by Phil Witte & Rex Hesner.

Dave describes a cartoonist's process more eloquently than I can, though I've tried. When I began seriously working on being a single-panel cartoonist, I was trying to write funny punchlines or captions, which worked all right for a while. One day, something switched in my brain, and I started thinking of topics I wanted to write about and working to find the humor in them.

Another important skill for a cartoonist is being economical with words. Briefer is usually better, as evidenced by Mr. Coverly's concise description.

Our pipe pic this time around is a meerschaum masterpiece carved by Sadik Yanik, a renowned Turkish pipe maker. 

The bowl end of the pipe is a Star Wars character named Maz Kanata, which, I admit, I had to look up.

Bizarro reader Stuart VR spotted the item in a Craigslist ad.

If you're interested, the same listing is now active on eBay, at the price of only $1,895.

A round of applause to Stuart for contributing to my overstuffed pipe pic folder.

Let's review this week's Bizarro panels for unnecessary verbiage.

Not only were the ribs bruised, but the artichoke hearts were broken.

My favorite detail is easy to miss. I was trying to do a comedic riff on the Morton Salt girl. After coming up with the name "Martian Salt," I drew an alien version of the famous logo, but it was much too small. I finally realized I could put the Flying Saucer secret symbol on the box.

Many Benedictine monks still produce beers, wines, and baked goods. I conceived the gag as a reference to the trade name Benedictine liqueur, which I recently learned was developed by a 19th-century wine merchant who made up a story that it was originally made by French monks. The story was a fabrication, but it made for great marketing.

There was, however, a real monk named Dom Pérignon who helped improve Champagne-making methods, and that historical fact may have made the Benedictine story easier to believe.

None of that background is necessary to get the joke, but I found it interesting.

The student hopes to eventually earn a black lumbar support belt.

Here's some etymological context, from Blatt Billiards of Wood-Ridge, New Jersey:
The term “foosball” comes from the German word “Fußball,” which translates to “football” (or “soccer” in American English). The game mimics soccer, with players controlling miniature figures on rods to kick a ball into the opponent's goal.

The phonetic pronunciation of "Fußball" evolved into "foosball," making it easier for English speakers to adopt. Over time, this unique name became synonymous with the tabletop game, distinguishing it from traditional soccer. German immigrants in the U.S. popularized the term, giving us the name “foosball” as we know it today.
As an old Monty Python fan, I laughed at this one, even if nobody else does.

I've done a couple like this before, but this is the first time I've done one in Bizarro. I haven't figured out what to call this type of gag. 

Suggestions are welcome.

In a weird cosmic coincidence, this one was published on Merle Haggard's 78th birthday. Compounding the oddity, he died exactly a year later, on his 79th birthday.

Howard Stern is still with us, dispelling any cartoon curse theories.

Fifteen years ago, I coined the term "streptonym" to describe this type of wordplay, and I'm still waiting for it to catch on.

Thanks for checking out the blog. I'll crack open another six-pack of chuckleboxes next week to examine what's inside (or behind) them. You're welcome to join in.

If you crave more in-depth geekery and behind-the-scenes trivia, please consider subscribing to my free Substack newsletter.

Bonus Track

Sonny Rollins with orchestra conducted by Oliver Nelson: 
"Alfie's Theme"
from Original Music From The Score "Alfie."
Impulse! Records (1996)


Jazz giant Sonny Rollins, "the Saxophone Colossus," died on May 25 at age 95. The music from "Alfie" isn't his most challenging material, but it's hard to discount its appeal. 


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