Doping Scandal

Today's Bizarro exposes an incompetent would-be cheater who provides a pun I haven't encountered in a cartoon (although there is a font with this name!)

My submission sketch provided suggestions for Bizarro mastermind Dan Piraro to improve upon, which he did, handily.

The final version is similar, although the fellow athlete was replaced with an angry coach (from sports powerhouse Pie State), and the composition was flipped horizontally. By switching the characters' positions, Dan put the ballooned-up fellow to the right of the panel. He likes to place the punchline (verbal or visual) to the right side of the panel, as the eyes of (western) readers tend to travel diagonally from top left to bottom right when viewing a panel. It delays the payoff just a bit, and is an effective rule of thumb, which I completely forgot when throwing this together.

Please view all of our previous collaborations here, and stay tuned for more cartoon laffs.

Senza Zucchero, per favore!

Note: While cleaning up some disk space, I found this rant, which I wrote in 2009. I usually hang at a different coffee shop these days, so I'm not subjected to this particular irritant as much as I once was, but my opinion hasn't changed since then. ~W

I'm of Italian descent. I drink espresso every morning. I enjoy Italian food and culture, and embrace and cherish my heritage.

But I have a confession to make. 

I can't stand Zucchero.

For those who haven't heard of Zucchero, he's an Italian rock singer, and is probably the country's most popular performer. Everyone I hang out with at the coffee shop is crazy about him, and most mornings they've got one of his discs on the sound system. Good friends with high musical standards continually tell me I should give his music another listen.

I tried. I really tried. 

After several excruciating sessions with a "best-of" collection, I'm left with the same impression I've had all along: that this bozo's music is nothing more than middle-of-the-road "classic rock," loaded with corny duets (Sting, Pavarotti, Clapton, Elton John, etc.) and Journeyesque Boltonisms (or, if you prefer, Boltonesque Journeyisms).

The guy's so incredibly hammy that "Prosciutto" would have been a more appropriate stage name.
 
In fact, if Zucchero were an English-language performer, I'd wager that most of the rabid Italophiles who worship at his chest-beating altar wouldn't pay him any attention. He gets an undeserved pass simply because of his nationality.

Anything that's the most popular in its category merits of an extra measure of skepticism, and Zucchero is no exception. I can't get behind anyone who covers "You Are So Beautiful" in earnest. It's a bit too "Italian Idol" for me.

I'm sorry, mi amici, but I still say that zucchero belongs in my espresso, not my iPod.

GI, GI, Ohhhhh

It's been some time since I've collaborated with Hilary Price, the cartoonist behind Rhymes With Orange, and it's a pleasure to have a new gag appear in her comic.

It's a simple, direct joke, which I like a lot, and is an example of what I refer to as a Tufnel (wringing a joke out of a familiar phrase by changing a number or letter by an increment or two).

Hilary based her comic on this (extremely) rough submission sketch:

Her revised dialog is a nice refinement. The first line, "Thankfully, it hasn't progressed." neatly sets up the idea that before you contract e. coli, it has to go through the a, b, c, and d stages. Bravo!

Earlier this year, I filled in as Hilary's guest cartoonist, allowing her to take some time off, and have written a few other jokes she liked enough to include in RWO. All of these can be viewed here.

Birthday Bug

Here's a Bizarro cartoon depicting an awkward social situation we've all experienced: receiving a repulsive gift from a well-meaning family member.

Bizarro CEO Dan Piraro worked his usual magic, transforming my rough drawing into a sparkling cartoon gem. Although the submission was patched together from a sketchbook page and digitally finished, it's actually not too bad.

This idea had been percolating for some time before the final text for the caption box arose. My first thumbnails documenting the idea definitely needed refinement.

After stewing on it for a couple of weeks and discarding several variations, I finally came up with the phrase "dung beetle-in-law," which does a nice job of describing the characters' relationship in an unexpected way, mostly as subtext.

Next Friday, one of my new gags will appear in Hilary Price's Rhymes With Orange, and after that, more Bizarro yuks are on the way.

My previous collaborations with Dan P can be viewed here. Dan's own Bizarro Blog is highly entertaining, and is of course, highly recommended.

Boo!

In honor of Halloween, here's an old comic based on a childhood memory.

This was originally published in 1991.

Read on—if you dare!

Bargains Galore!

I've been digging through a lot of my old files in preparation for an upcoming exhibit of illustration and cartoon art. Among a folder of tear sheets was the inside cover from the first issue of Hyena, an anthology edited by Mark Martin. One of Mark's recurring creations was the Lillian Spencer Drake Catalog of Values, which featured the work of dozens of artists. Mark self-published an LSD Catalog in 1988, and revived the concept in 1991 for Hyena.

Following are my contributions to the 1991 Catalog.

Armageddon Savings Time

Today's collaboration with comics master Dan Piraro offers a possible excuse for Harold Camping's failed predictions.

Here's the scribble I submitted for Dan's consideration:

This is an example of the very loose roughs I scrawl in my sketchbook to get an idea on paper before I forget it. Normally I'll follow with a tighter sketch to try and sell the gag. I don't remember why I showed Dan this raw doodle, other than the fact that I hate to draw horses.

The finished cartoon depicts the supposed color of each rider's horse. Death is said to ride a pale (or green) horse, Famine a black one, and War rides a red steed. No amount of research is spared for Bizarro's discerning readers! Now you know why we both use the phrase "attention to detail" in our résumés.

Many additional hilarious—and sometimes educational—cartoons are in the works for your enjoyment and/or edification. The next one will drop in about three weeks, and represents a return to lowbrow form. Meanwhile, you are encouraged to view our "priors" in this blog's Bizarro archive.

The Wonderful World of Coolant

Today's Bizarro provides wholesome entertainment for the kiddies.

The idea for this cartoon arose during a visit with the family late last year. Someone had mentioned how excited their children were about seeing Disney on Ice, to which I responded, "Isn't that a little gruesome for young kids?"

It's a very straightforward gag, based on a literal interpretation of a familiar phrase. The name of the show has been repeated so many times in print and TV ads—not to mention by children hounding their parents for tickets—that people no longer notice what the individual words are saying. Attaching a different meaning to (or reminding the reader of the meaning of) an everyday phrase provides a little jolt of surprise and recognition that works rather well as a cartoon.

The joke has additional resonance for those familiar with the persistent urban legend claiming that Walt Disney (1901-1966) had a provision in his will to be cryogenically preserved after his death, to be revived in a medically-advanced future. In fact, the beloved creator of a vast entertainment juggernaut was cremated, like a regular old mortal.

My submission sketch is a little rougher than usual, with a simple eye-level presentation. Dan Piraro, the genius behind Bizarro, not only restaged the scene with an improved camera angle, but also rewrote the dialog.

Both the sketch and the finished version reflect Dan's (and my own) preference for deadpan reactions to weird situations. In each version of this panel, the adult expresses mild surprise or disappointment in a matter-of-fact tone, which is much funnier than if they'd been shown recoiling in horror.

If you enjoyed today's chilly shot of humor, perhaps you'd like to browse through the previous funnies I've done in collaboration with the mighty Piraro.

Our next joint effort will appear in a couple of weeks.

Talk That Talk

Beer and Candy

Today's Bizarro takes a peek inside a watering hole frequented by advertising characters.

Obviously, the sugary sea captain and the aristocratic legume have heard this one a few too many times, but the old codger with the Mexican beer in hand just won't give up on it. Most of us have worked with (or are related to) someone who repeats the same tired joke at every opportunity, and can sympathize with to the eye-rolling patrons of this particular tavern.

My submission sketch was fairly rough, but conveyed the idea. I'd originally included Elsie the Borden cow, but she was replaced by the more recognizable Mister Peanut. Maybe it was boys' night out.

In the sketch, the marshmallow man's perturbed face is partly visible, but Bizarro CEO Dan Piraro chose to depict just the back of his head, which does a better job of showing that this comment has been repeated so many times that anger has given way to indifference and resignation.

About a third of the people who previewed this cartoon didn't get it at all. This indicates that they probably don't waste a lot of time watching television, particularly the commercials, which speaks well of them.

The gag is based on "The Most Interesting Man in the World," an advertising character created to sell Dos Equis beer, portrayed by a guy named Jonathan Goldsmith. Goldsmith is fairly interesting in his own right. One of the character's taglines is "Stay thirsty, my friend." Dos Equis was a low-profile regional brand that has become very popular because of these "most interesting" commercials.

The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man (much to my surprise) was created by the writers of the 1984 film "Ghostbusters," and was not a real consumer product. In 2010, Omni Consumer Products, a company that "defictionalizes" made-up products, began marketing actual edible marshmallows under the formerly-fake Stay-Puft brand.

So, if you didn't get the joke, you're probably an educated person of taste, whose head isn't filled with trash-culture detritus, and for that I commend you.

My next joint effort with Dan Piraro will appear on September 6, and might anger some fans/worshipers of a certain "magical" kiddie-entertainment empire. Stay tuned for that, and in the meantime, help yourself to my previous collaborations with the multi-talented Mister P.

Please enjoy these cartoons responsibly. And stay risible, my friends.