G.I. Bill

It's a big day in the comics world. This evening, the National Cartoonists Society will announce the winners of the group's 73rd annual Reuben Awards, sometimes referred to as the Oscars of Cartooning. Bizarro isn't in the running this year, but I'll be rooting for fellow Pittsburgh cartoonists Vince Dorse, Dave Klug, and Rob Rogers. My hometown will also be represented by writer, cartoonist, and standup comic Teresa Roberts Logan, who will emcee the Reubens banquet.

If you're gambling on the various categories, here are some tips from our friend Tom Heintjes at Hogan's Alley Magazine.

Now, here's a look at the week's Bizarro gags. Let us know if you think any are worthy to submit as entries for next year's Reuben Awards.

The patient's tallow readings are a little on the high side, but their sodium levels are right in the "savory" range. Dr. Russet is recommending an internal exam, and is referring the patient to Dr. Fingerling.

If Lassie could only operate a can opener, she'd have ditched her accident-prone family long ago.

Wednesday's cartoon seemed funny when I wrote it, but now every time I look at it only feels discouraging.

While writing this post, I noticed that the center character bears a passing (if unintentional) resemblance to Philip Proctor, one of my humor heroes, so I don't mind looking at as much I would otherwise.

What's truly baffling about alien abductions is the fact that the human captives are always returned to Earth in trucker caps, bib overalls, and flannel shirts, no matter what they wore before being picked up.

Recently, my partner-in-comics, Dan Piraro, was watching one of those food programs about fancy-schmancy restaurants, and he saw a feature on a "single-udder butters." As Dan related to me:

It is literally a plank of wood with three dollops of butter a few inches apart. Each dollop is made from the milk of a single cow. You’re supposed to compare the subtle differences in the butter from each cow. And they don’t even give you a cracker to put it on. Just the butter.

We both loved the sound and rhythm of the phrase "single-udder butters." Turning it into a gag was so easy, I would've felt guilty simply presenting it as described. In order to feel as if I put forth some effort, I changed the dish from the equivalent of an oenophile's horizontal tasting (the same vintage or style from different producers) to a vertical tasting (different vintages from the same producer). 

My first draft used the term "vertical tasting," but we decided that was too obscure, even for Bizarro's curious and well-read audience.

In the spirit of full culinary disclosure, I must admit that I'd unhesitatingly order this dish.

Bizarro doesn't feature any regular characters in the traditional (licensable) sense, which is why Dan and I aren't making millions in royalties from plush toys or CGI movies featuring celebrity voices and Randy Newman songs.

I do, however, find myself returning to a rotating cast of characters, and character types, as direct objects of parody, or as proxies for commenting on human psychology. This week's batch includes two favorites: Frankenstein's monster and Mister Potato Head. 

Other frequent performers on the Bizarro stage include:

• Cowboys
• Clowns
• The Grim Reaper
• Psychiatrists and other medical professionals
• Bigfoot
• Dogs, cats, and other pets
• Insects
• Satan and other religious figures
• Santa Claus
• Zombies
• Criminals, cops, judges, and lawyers
• Characters from fairy tales, literature, and mythology
• Historical figures

Oh, and we really enjoy making fun of bro-dudes and superheroes.

As always, I recommend visiting Dan Piraro's Bizarro Blog, where he offers additional insightful and amusing commentary on the gags of the week, and puts me to shame with another gorgeous Sunday page.

Bonus Track



Commander Cody and his Lost Planet Airmen formed in 1967. In in a stroke of fortunate timing, the group (now called the Commander Cody Band) released the single and video "Two Triple Cheese" just as MTV was launching in 1981. In its earliest days, the network was wide open for any musical material to fill up airtime, and put the video into regular rotation. The low-budget production hasn't lost its appeal over the years.