Mail Order Mischief and a Momentous Milestone

Happy Saturday, Jazz Pickles. We're back to share the latest six-pack of gags, along with another amusing pipe-related image.

First, however, I'd like to mention that it's a special day for Your Obedient Cartoonist.

Twelve years ago today, my first published collaboration with Dan Piraro appeared. After nine years of writing gags, including three years as Bizarro's colorist, and a couple of week-long runs as guest cartoonist, I started doing the daily gags myself. After more than three years on the job, I'm learning a little more about the craft of cartooning every day, and loving the best gig I've ever had.

My sincere thanks go out to every reader, and eternal gratitude to my comrade Dan for leaving the side door unlocked and allowing me to show my work in the gallery he established in the late twentieth century. I hope to keep doing it for a long time to come.

We now return to our regular programming.
 

This week's pipe pic comes from a well-used book on my reference shelf: a reprint of the 1929 Johnson Smith novelties catalog, which seems appropriate as we just celebrated April Fools' Day.

This essential hardcover (in a slipcase, no less) was published in 1970. I most likely bought it from the remainder table in a mall bookstore, when such places existed. It includes a wonderful introduction by humorist, writer, storyteller, and radio and TV personality Jean Shepherd (1921-1999). Shepherd's voice, if not his name, is familiar to most of America thanks to endless airings of A Christmas Story, the film based on his writings. Shep, as he was known to fans, narrated the film, and made a brief on-camera appearance.

Before we go searching for our whoopee cushion and cigarette loads (a teenage favorite of a certain mononymous cartoonist), let's review the week in Bizarro.

 

What do scientists know, anyway? The vacuum of space is a hoax intended to control your behavior. Some readers interpreted this cartoon as a form of political commentary, but I prefer to see it as an exploration of the baffling human practice of willfully ignorant, even prideful self-destruction.

 

 

Tuesday's panel explains the real reason side-by-side washers and dryers are usually configured with their doors handles facing each other. They're less intimidating when they look a little goofy.

 

 

If you fall out of the boat, you'll be late for the torment and damnation. 

 

By the way, the gondolier of Hades is wearing wail-cancelling headphones.

 

 

On prior April Fools' Days, we've been known to place an intentionally incorrect Secret Symbol count in the signature. Last year, I even used a different number in each configuration of the comic. This time, however, I made a fool of myself by undercounting the number of symbols in this panel. There are actually seven, not six as indicated. 

 

If this gag didn't stimulate your funny bone, you can still laugh at the boneheaded cartoonist.

 

 

After a year of lockdown, many of us can relate to having a conversation with a plant.

 

While researching Saturday's gag, I learned that these ubiquitous annoyances are called "air dancers" or "tube men."

That's the recap for this week. Don't forget to pop by Dan Piraro's blog to see what he has to say about this batch of drollery. While you're there, take a peek at his latest magnificent Bizarro Sunday page, and feel free to shop for some groovy Bizarro swag.

Bonus Track

Charles Mingus: The Clown
Atlantic Records, 1957

Note: Some YouTube videos are not available outside the US. On some phones, you must select "View Web Version" on the blog in order to see the video preview and link.

Our previous bonus track (and pipe pic) featured Charles Mingus. I hadn't planned to share another of his  recordings this week, but when I was writing this post, I was reminded of the unusual collaboration between Mingus and the aforementioned Jean Shepherd, which shows a darker side of Shep.

Mingus described the genesis of this piece in an interview:

I felt happy one day. I was playing a little tune on the piano that sounded happy. Then I hit a dissonance that sounded sad, and I realized that the song had to have two parts. The story, as I told it first to Jean Shepherd, is about a clown who tried to please people—like most jazz musicians do—but whom nobody liked until he was dead.

And people think we're harsh toward clowns in Bizarro.

The Pipes Are Calling

If you run across any amusing images featuring pipes, be sure to alert us. We're on the lookout for pipe pics to share on the blog. Thanks!

Delete All

This post appears later than usual, thanks to unstable technology. I composed and formatted the entire article on Thursday, as I normally do, and scheduled it to publish early Saturday morning. I always revisit the draft a few times to make edits and corrections, which I did on Friday afternoon. I rewrote a sentence, but decided to revert to the original, and used the control-Z undo function.

Unfortunately, Google's Blogger platform assumes that after three undo key commands, the user wants to erase the entire post, and there's no way to recover it. So as you read this, please be assured that the original, lost version was wittier and better organized.

Before we begin our over-analysis of the week in Bizarro, let's enjoy a tangentially-related photo.

This week's intense pipe pic features composer, musician, and bandleader Charles Mingus (1922-1979). The shot was taken in 1959, during a session for Columbia Records in New York City. The albums from this period (Mingus Ah Um and Mingus Dynasty) are as brilliant and challenging as they were more than 60 years ago.

Mingus wrote an immensely entertaining autobiography, Beneath the Underdog, which is a rich mix of historical fact, dubious memories, and tall tales.

He also had an interesting connection to the comics world. The review excerpted above ran on Down Beat magazine in 1962, and was written by Harvey Pekar, creator if the autobiographical comic series American Splendor. Pekar often worked as a jazz critic, and this particular review didn't sit well with Mingus. The aggrieved musician with an angry letter, writing:

My efforts at blues singing were not meant to challenge such diverse masters as Joe Turner, Ray Charles or Big Bill Broonzy, and I don’t think their singing was meant as a challenge to each other or to me. No one could sing my blues but me (if you must call it singing), just as no one could holler for you if I decide to punch you in your mouth.

Were he still among us, one can only imagine how Mingus would respond to Instagram comments.

At the risk of inviting snarky judgment from present-day critics, we offer our most recent comics.

He applied to join the X-Men as The Incredible Null.

Oddly, the doctor prescribed brand-name medication.

Speaking of online critiques, this gag prompted a reader to ask, "Why are there so many Halloween themed ones lately?" We at Bizarro Studios refuse to confine our vampires, zombies, ghosts, and monsters to a single, fixed date. These creatures lead rich, full afterlives, and don't deserve to be forgotten 364 days of the year.

The mermaid myth is supposedly based on sailors mistaking manatees for human-fish hybrids.

After consuming enough shipboard rum, it might be possible to make that assumption, but the appeal of such a being remains a deeper mystery.

To be fair, that emblem does seem to be more suited to Old Scratch.

A true friend would tell you not to feel guilty about questioning your willfully counterfactual delusions.

Saturday's panel is based on an early draft of David Lynch's first feature-length film.

That wraps up another week of amusing words and pictures. Thanks, as always, for dropping by.

Don't forget to check out Dan Piraro's weekly blog, to read his always insightful commentary, and to laugh at a new Bizarro Sunday page.

Bonus Track

Charles Mingus: Boogie Stop Shuffle
from Mingus Ah Um

A longtime favorite here at BSN.

Note: Some YouTube videos are not available outside the US. On some phones, you must select "View Web Version" on the blog in order to see the video preview and link.

Turn On, Tune In, Go Bragh

It's the first day of spring, and we met the morning with a pleasant sense of optimism. This, of course, makes us nervous. The cartoonist's brain tends to be distrustful of its own happiness, but we'll try to enjoy the mood as much as we're able to.

This week's amazing pipe pic was originally published in Vue magazine in 1954, and shows Dada artist Marcel Duchamp smoking dancer Ann Miller's leg. Thanks to Jazz Pickle Dr. Joe S, of Melbourne, Australia for alerting us to this spectacular image.

I've always had an interest in the Dadaists, and their anarchic approach to art, music and writing. When I was self-publishing minicomix in the late 1980s, I named one of my books Festive Desperation, after the title of a 1916 masked dance performance staged by the Dadaist collective Cabaret Voltaire.

The book contained a series of ink drawings executed in a jagged style I experimented with for a time. The cover was a visual interpretation of the title, which reminded me of some of my fellow citizens' misguided jingoism. Unfortunately, that still exists.

Most of the interior pages were drawings of friends, and one (above) was a self-portrait.

Returning to the more recent past, here's a look at this week's Bizarro comics.

 

We kicked off the week with a look at what really happens in your basement. Some gags require photo research, which I believe is always worth the effort.

Apparently, they abandoned the flat by the roadside. In case any blog readers plan to make a comment correcting me, a few helpful internet citizens already pointed out that the vehicle shown is called a sedan, sedan chair, or litter, but not a carriage.

 

For Saint Patrick's Day, we offered an psychedelic alternative for those who don't drink stout or whiskey. Naturally, these electric edibles are endorsed by Timothy O'Leary.

 

 

Thursday's gag showcases a member of the little-known United Utilitarian Church.

 

 

And try to limit yourself to four lobes a day.

 

 

After centuries of sporting a long, curly mane, Vlad now shaves his head, but he kept the fancy mustache.

The second vampire was modeled on Canadian-American actor Oliver Platt, but I don't recall the reason.. 

Perhaps something about the initial sketch reminded me of him, but I'm not seeing it now.

That's the latest batch from Bizarro Studios North. Thanks, as always, for visiting. Don't forget to check out my partner Dan Piraro's weekly blog post. It's always loaded with interesting observations, some of which even mention the comics. While you're there, you can also admire his latest panoramic Bizarro Sunday page.

See you next week!

Bonus Tracks

The old minicomic page shared above mentioned my teenage wish to have lived as a beatnik, although my ideas were initially based on mass media's twisted appropriation of that subculture.

As I grew older, I learned more about the Beats, but retained a fondness for the mainstream America's goofy take on beatniks, exemplified by this 1959 record written and sung by Rod McKuen (credited here as "Dor.")

Note: Some YouTube videos are not available outside the US. On some phones, you must select "View Web Version" on the blog in order to see the video preview and link.

 

My copy of this record is in rough condition, but fortunately other researchers have posted the song on YouTube.

"The Beat Generation" inspired punk rock musician Richard Hell's 1976 single, "Blank Generation." 

Hell's band featured the stunning, angular guitar work of Robert Quine, and his drummer was a guy named Marc Bell, who was later rechristened Marky Ramone.

Naked Spectres and Mythical Miscreants

We're feeling a sense of guarded optimism here at the studio, which must be attributable to some pleasant, sunny weather we've had over the past couple of weeks. We're hoping we've seen the last of any snow for a while. 

Our mood may sour after waking up tomorrow and having to adjust to the change to Daylight Saving Time. Time will tell.

This week's fantastic plastic pipe pic is brought to you by my old pal and fellow cartoonist J.R. Williams, who recently shared it on his thoroughly entertaining Instagram page, JR's Junkyard. "Jar" is one of my oldest cartoonist friends, and his 1980s minicomix inspired me to self-publish.

He's a prolific artist whose groovy little art pieces are quickly snapped up by savvy collectors.

Two goofs, reunited in Portland, 2017

While we're still on Standard Time, let's review this week's cartoons.

If there is an afterlife, I imagine it's full of disappointments.

At a quiet subterranean spot, it was love at first squint.

Remember when paranoid crackpots could only rant on street corners? At least back then, they were sincere in their misguided beliefs, and not reaping profits from gullible suckers worldwide. The good old days!

This panel's payoff is out of frame, which we hope gave readers an extra second of enjoyment while their brains made the connection. Also, we still haven't run out of clown gags. I'll have to do some data mining to see if we have enough on hand for a book.

We were almost a week ahead of the holiday with this one, but felt it was okay since a large segment of the American populace have adopted the Saturday before Saint Patrick's Day as the proper time for public drunkenness and back-alley micturition.

Don't fret, we have another seasonal gag lined up for the actual holiday.

Sometimes you have to suffer for your art.

That's the wrap-up for this week. Thanks for stopping by. Be sure to check out Dan Piraro's blog to see what he's been up to, and to gasp in wonder at his latest beautiful Bizarro Sunday page.

Stay safe and healthy, and when you have the chance, get yourself a COVID vaccine.

Bonus Track

Jerry Colonna: "Hey, Barmaid!"
from the 10" album, Music? for Screaming!!!
Decca Records, 1955

Jerry Colonna was a musician, actor, comedian, and singer, who was popular on radio in the 1940s and 50s as a sidekick to Bob Hope. He was caricatured in several Warner Brothers cartoons of that era. I have a few of his records in my archive, and this one is my favorite, scratches and all.

A few years ago, a Facebook friend commissioned me to do a drawing of Colonna. It was a surprising request, but one I was more than happy to honor.

Note: Some YouTube videos are not available outside the US. On some phones, you must select "View Web Version" on the blog in order to see the video preview and link.

Arm of the Beholder

As I compose this week's blog entry, the sun is shining outside Bizarro Studios North, and we're feeling cautiously optimistic regarding the possibility of getting together with family and friends at some time in the future. My musical group has even penciled in a date for our December holiday show. That makes us happy, although we don't want to wish away the next nine months.

 

This week's pipe pic comes from our illustration archives. The image was originally created to promote a life drawing event at Zombo Gallery here in Pittsburgh. The gallery was the brainchild of my good friend Michael "Zombo" Devine, a musician, DJ, entrepreneur and sophisticated man about town. In the early part of this century, I had several solo art exhibits at Zombo Gallery, and I still miss the place.

 

Zombo & Wayno at the opening of "Stubble & Smoke," 2008

As we look forward to the arrival of Spring, let's adjust our fezzes and review the week in cartoons.

 

Monday's gag featured some all terrain footwear. My photo research for this one included an image search on the phrase "Elton John Tommy Boots," to find pictures of the giant Doc Martens he wore in the film version of the Who's rock opera.

 

The sketch above, from around 2008, was a first stab at a comic drawing parallels between gigantic tires and huge shoes. Setting it aside for a decade was a sound decision. The version published this week lets the connection occur in the reader's mind rather than on the page, providing a more satisfying payoff.

 

 

Most of us have had to endure a coworker who repeats the same stupid joke day after day.

 

 

It's been nearly a month since our last clown gag, so we were compelled to remedy that situation on Wednesday.

 

 

Thursday's panel plays with inversion, perception, and symmetry. This customer can enjoy his new tattoo in the mirror, reflected in a puddle, or by simply glancing down at his bicep.

 

 

"Any openings for marionettes?" 

 

 

Tom, my close friend and bandmate, wears many musical hats, including that of a piano teacher. In the early days of the pandemic, he began giving online lessons, and found that most kids paid closer attention to him on-screen than when he was physically in the room with them. He theorized that they're more attuned to video images than actual humans. That's possible, but knowing my friend, I imagine that he himself might also be more focused in this situation. I'm pleased to report that he has more students than ever, located all over the world.

That's the latest from sunny Hollywood Gardens, PA. Thanks for dropping by and following Bizarro. Be sure to visit Dan Piraro's blog to read about his latest adventures and activities, and to check out his always-spectacular Bizarro Sunday page.

See you next week.

Bonus Track

Roger Ruskin Spear: Pinball Wizard
from the album Unusual (United Artists Records, 1972)

An inventive reinterpretation, by a founding member of the Bonzo Dog Band.

Technical note: Some YouTube videos are unavailable outside the US. On some phones and mobile devices, it's necessary to select "view web version" to see the video preview and link.

Simple Machines & Gaelic Insects

Greetings once again from Bizarro Studios North, where the cartooning never stops, or rarely does. A few days ago, I left the drawing table for a few hours, and ventured into the outside world. Unfortunately, it was to have root canal surgery. 

I can't say it was enjoyable, but the experience wasn't as awful as its common idiomatic usage indicates. If this post has fewer words (or more typos) than usual, blame the aftereffects of medication.

I found this week's pipe-pic on the internet. This is not an album I have in my collection, but I felt compelled to share the image.

While we ponder whether Father Bob's stem-clenching led to any dental problems, let's review our most recent comics.

 

We eased into the week with a wordless two-panel gag showing history's first recreational vehicle conversion.

 

 

This business eventually folded, when they realized that their packaging costs zeroed out any profit on the product.

 

 

It's even more effective on humans.

 

Few comic book readers are aware of the Hulk's sensitive side, which is what truly makes him incredible.

 

As I've mentioned int the past, I try to choose the best of the week's batch to run in the Friday slot. A gag based on a pun rarely makes the cut, but this one gave both Dan and me repeated bouts of the giggles, so I figured readers might enjoy something silly to start the weekend.

 

For Saturday, we pivoted from straight-up comedy to pathos. I believe this is the first time I used an individual Secret Symbol five times in a single panel.

That's the latest output from our fun factory. Don't forget to visit Dan Piraro's blog, to check out his latest Sunday Bizarro page, and read about what's currently occupying his curious mind. It's always worth a visit.

Bonus Track

Bongos, Bass & Bob: "Oral Hygiene"
50,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Watts Records, 1988

While undergoing my endodontic treatment, this tune came to mind. The members of the trio were Dean J. Seal (bongos & vocals), Penn Jillette (bass & vocals), and Rob Elk (guitar & vocals).

Technical note: Some YouTube videos are unavailable outside the US. On some phones, you must select "View Web Version" to see the preview link.

Trivial Note: The label that issued this album was usually referred to as "50 Skidillion Watts Records," and was founded by brothers David and Jad Fair to release music by their amazing band, Half Japanese. The number of zeroes used in the numerical version of the label name varied across releases.