Happy Motoring

Here's my last Bizarro contribution for 2012, a wistful look at a road trip as a metaphor for life:

There's not much to it pictorially, though Dan Piraro, the brains behind Bizarro, managed to include a few bits of visual interest as compared to my submission sketch. The birds perched on the sign are a neat touch, and I like the composition better with the railing and underpass anchoring it.

The idea for this gag occurred to me while on a drive from Pittsburgh to Maryland earlier this year, although there were no missed exits, or any other mishaps. The first scribbled line in my sketchbook used the term "Existential Highway," which felt a little lofty, almost poetic--and the point of the sign is to bring the driver back down to earth. "Turnpike" is a satisfyingly mundane term, very utilitarian. It also has that hard vowel at the end, and, when pronounced (aloud or in the mind) its guttural sound works better that the breathier "highway."

I have no deep explanation or analysis to offer for this one, except perhaps to say that sometimes it's good to slow down and wander away from your planned route.

Please feel free to plow through all of my previous collaborations with the talented and generous Mister Piraro, and watch for new gags in January. As of today, there are three in the pipeline. They'll pop up on January 3rd, the 9th, and the 16th.

Speaking of Dan, I highly recommend reading his very entertaining blog, which often includes amusing insights into his creative process. You might be seeing Dan on TV sometime in the future as well!

Thanks to everyone who's followed along and offered encouragement, comments and critiques throughout the year. 2012 has been busy, productive, educational and rewarding, and it didn't end on December 21st! 

I wish all of you a New Year of health, prosperity and peace.

Versatile Vestment

As we plow through the season of gift-giving insanity, here's a shopping tip in the form of today's Bizarro cartoon.

For comparison, here's the sketch I submitted to Bizarro's creator, Dan Piraro.

The joke is a little on the meta side, with a couple of cartoonists (Dan and myself) commenting on one of our standard props: the striped jersey. Depending on a few other visual cues, this article of clothing is indeed routinely employed to depict pirates, mimes, burglars and French people. We've all used it, and will probably continue to do so as long as cartoons are drawn.

We'll squeeze in one final collaboration this year, with many more in store for 2013 (assuming the Mayans are wrong).

Please feel free to review all of our previous joint efforts, which are conveniently archived in this blog's Bizarro Warehouse.

Speaking of blogs, you ought to check out Dan's very informative Bizarro Blog, where he offers plenty of insight into his creative process, along with amusing and unexpected links.

The Devil Made Me Do It!

Here's my latest collaboration with Bizarro's Grand Poobah, Dan Piraro.

Dan's published art employs a more interesting camera angle than my submission sketch, while preserving the original text.

The inspiration for this gag is, of course, the rampant practice of Grammy winners and football players thanking god for their victories, along with crackpot candidates who blame/credit a deity for their decision to run for office. 

During the recent presidential campaign, the number of politicians hearing voices in their heads seemed to reach an all-time high. Here are a few of the supposedly chosen ones, ripped from the pages of a cartoonist's sketchbook:

Who, little old me?

"God said, 'Not yet, Herman. Not yet.
I've got something else for you to do."

"We have prayed a lot about this decision, and we believe
with all our hearts that this is what God wants."

I'll have two more gags pop up in Bizarro before the end of 2012, but it's not too early to thank you for reading and commenting throughout the year. 

More big laffs are coming your way in 2013.

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Pop Culture Postscript: The title of today's post is one of many catchphrases popularized by Flip Wilson in the early 1970s. In a 1973 cover story, Time Magazine called Wilson "TV's first black superstar."

Helloooo, Kitty!

Your Humble Cartoonist/Blogger was a bit surprised when today's Bizarro was accepted for publication. It's naughtier than most of what appears on the funny pages, although in a gentle sort of way. Still, it could cause some discomfort for parents whose offspring ask for an explanation of the joke, but it's time probably time you had that chat anyway. You might even learn something.

Dan Piraro's finished art is similar to my concept sketch, with a few tweaks. In a rare role reversal, my sketch includes background elements that Dan cleared away, to very good effect. I violated my own rule about eliminating unnecessary details, and am very happy with the final version. I particularly enjoyed the satisfied expression on Dan's fatter cat, and the sex kitten's look of utter indifference.

The most difficult part of composing this blog post was selecting a title that wasn't extremely vulgar. Captioning the cartoon took some time for the same reason. Most of my initial attempts were neither subtle nor particularly funny. The 900 number, though, works rather nicely. Also, there's no danger of this being an actual number, since "feline" corresponds to six digits, not the seven required for US phone lines. So, I'm secure in the knowledge that no innocent readers will incur "premium rate" fares if they try dialing it. 

My previous comical collaborations with Bizarro's Grand Poobah, Dan Piraro can be viewed in this blog's Bizarro Archive.

Famous for 15 Seconds

I'm running a few days behind on this Bizarro post, but happily so. The last couple of weeks have been loaded up with my current artist's residency at Pittsburgh's Manchester Craftsmen's Guild. I'll post about that sometime soon.

Meanwhile, here's my latest collaboration with the mighty Dan Piraro, from Wednesday, November 14.

The cartoon comments on musical snobbery, of which I have been guilty in my life. I hope that's not the case anymore, but certainly in adolescence many of us exhibited this type of one-upmanship, claiming to have been in on something before everybody else.

If that still goes on today , it happens within a much shorter time frame, with many musical careers now being outlived by the average fruit fly.

Here's the sketch as submitted to Mister P.

Dan flopped the composition horizontally, and while my characters are relatively fresh-faced teens, he shows them as jaded hipsters. Also, in Dan's version, the long-time fan goes way back with the band, an even earlier adopter than in the sketch version.

Dan talks about this panel, and the poster on the wall, in his always-entertaining blog. He also included a very rare photo of some of his regular gag writers, taken when some of us paid a friendly visit to Bizarro Global HQ.

Our next joint effort, which I can't wait to share, will pop up on November 29. Until then, please enjoy our previous laffs, which are all available in the Piraro/Wayno warehouse, within this very blog.

Thanks for following and commenting.

Short Back & Sides

Today's Bizarro is a bit of a breakthrough: the first completely wordless gag I've  published.

The overall composition of my sketch made it to the final version, with several small but very effective changes by Bizarro's creator, Dan Piraro.

Notably, Dan corrected my inversion of the classic crop circle look, where the design is made of flattened vegetation (or in our case, shorn locks). He also simplified the pattern so it's recognizable as a crop circle at tiny scale of today's newspaper comics. 

Electric shears make more sense than scissors, though perhaps I had old world (other-world?) craftsmanship in mind. Finally, Dan does a much more expressive job of showing the awkward angle required for our man to view his new 'do, and adds a look of consternation to his face.

Since this gag depends solely on the picture, with no supporting text, I spent more time than usual tuning up the sketch in order to sell it. I scrapped my first attempt at drawing the customer's head, and digitally pasted in the one shown above. I still like my barber's neckwear. In fact I have a habit of drawing bow ties on characters whenever possible.

If you enjoyed today's collaboration with Mister Piraro, please feel free to scan through our previous joint appearances, which are archived for your reading pleasure.

Today's bonus essay question: Does a wordless gag have a "writer?"

Doping Scandal

Today's Bizarro exposes an incompetent would-be cheater who provides a pun I haven't encountered in a cartoon (although there is a font with this name!)

My submission sketch provided suggestions for Bizarro mastermind Dan Piraro to improve upon, which he did, handily.

The final version is similar, although the fellow athlete was replaced with an angry coach (from sports powerhouse Pie State), and the composition was flipped horizontally. By switching the characters' positions, Dan put the ballooned-up fellow to the right of the panel. He likes to place the punchline (verbal or visual) to the right side of the panel, as the eyes of (western) readers tend to travel diagonally from top left to bottom right when viewing a panel. It delays the payoff just a bit, and is an effective rule of thumb, which I completely forgot when throwing this together.

Please view all of our previous collaborations here, and stay tuned for more cartoon laffs.

Senza Zucchero, per favore!

Note: While cleaning up some disk space, I found this rant, which I wrote in 2009. I usually hang at a different coffee shop these days, so I'm not subjected to this particular irritant as much as I once was, but my opinion hasn't changed since then. ~W

I'm of Italian descent. I drink espresso every morning. I enjoy Italian food and culture, and embrace and cherish my heritage.

But I have a confession to make. 

I can't stand Zucchero.

For those who haven't heard of Zucchero, he's an Italian rock singer, and is probably the country's most popular performer. Everyone I hang out with at the coffee shop is crazy about him, and most mornings they've got one of his discs on the sound system. Good friends with high musical standards continually tell me I should give his music another listen.

I tried. I really tried. 

After several excruciating sessions with a "best-of" collection, I'm left with the same impression I've had all along: that this bozo's music is nothing more than middle-of-the-road "classic rock," loaded with corny duets (Sting, Pavarotti, Clapton, Elton John, etc.) and Journeyesque Boltonisms (or, if you prefer, Boltonesque Journeyisms).

The guy's so incredibly hammy that "Prosciutto" would have been a more appropriate stage name.
 
In fact, if Zucchero were an English-language performer, I'd wager that most of the rabid Italophiles who worship at his chest-beating altar wouldn't pay him any attention. He gets an undeserved pass simply because of his nationality.

Anything that's the most popular in its category merits of an extra measure of skepticism, and Zucchero is no exception. I can't get behind anyone who covers "You Are So Beautiful" in earnest. It's a bit too "Italian Idol" for me.

I'm sorry, mi amici, but I still say that zucchero belongs in my espresso, not my iPod.

GI, GI, Ohhhhh

It's been some time since I've collaborated with Hilary Price, the cartoonist behind Rhymes With Orange, and it's a pleasure to have a new gag appear in her comic.

It's a simple, direct joke, which I like a lot, and is an example of what I refer to as a Tufnel (wringing a joke out of a familiar phrase by changing a number or letter by an increment or two).

Hilary based her comic on this (extremely) rough submission sketch:

Her revised dialog is a nice refinement. The first line, "Thankfully, it hasn't progressed." neatly sets up the idea that before you contract e. coli, it has to go through the a, b, c, and d stages. Bravo!

Earlier this year, I filled in as Hilary's guest cartoonist, allowing her to take some time off, and have written a few other jokes she liked enough to include in RWO. All of these can be viewed here.

Birthday Bug

Here's a Bizarro cartoon depicting an awkward social situation we've all experienced: receiving a repulsive gift from a well-meaning family member.

Bizarro CEO Dan Piraro worked his usual magic, transforming my rough drawing into a sparkling cartoon gem. Although the submission was patched together from a sketchbook page and digitally finished, it's actually not too bad.

This idea had been percolating for some time before the final text for the caption box arose. My first thumbnails documenting the idea definitely needed refinement.

After stewing on it for a couple of weeks and discarding several variations, I finally came up with the phrase "dung beetle-in-law," which does a nice job of describing the characters' relationship in an unexpected way, mostly as subtext.

Next Friday, one of my new gags will appear in Hilary Price's Rhymes With Orange, and after that, more Bizarro yuks are on the way.

My previous collaborations with Dan P can be viewed here. Dan's own Bizarro Blog is highly entertaining, and is of course, highly recommended.